Donald Trump keeps trolling the Kennedy Center over its mission of celebrating the arts and humanities. He’s destroyed its legacy near-term, and gaslights the existing board of self-appointed nominees over what kind of activities should go on there. Let’s consider what a Trump Center might choose to celebrate as acts in keeping with the the life he’s lived.

1. The Pardon Parade. Trump could have all the people he’s pardoned for crimes against the nation parade across the stage in Red MAGA wear to celebrate his habit of issuing pardons to domestic terrorists and wealthy individuals caught in White Collar Crimes. In his role as the 47th president of the United States (January 20, 2025 – present), Donald Trump granted executive clemency to more than 1,700 individuals as of June 11, 2026, all of whom were charged or convicted of federal criminal offenses. This included a blanket pardon of some 1,500 individuals associated with the January 6 United States Capitol attack. To be clear, he’s also been issuing pardons to people who bribe their way out of crimes by paying millions of dollars to be freed from accountability for their heinous acts of theft, grift, and abuse of financial practices.
2. The Epstein Files Fantasia. Trump could stage a huge musical production denying all the allegations of child sexual abuse and human trafficking pointing directly to him in the Epstein Files. Cameo appearances by all his co-conspirators would feature Ghislaine Maxwell and an animatron Jeffrey Epstein writhing to circus music as he’s wheeled around the stage surrounded by dozens of young girls and boys who sink below the stage as he wheels past them.
3. The University of Fraud Game Show. Given the fact that Trump’s own University was fined $25M in a settlement to its supposed “students,” the University of Fraud Game Show would feature a live broadcast of a Jeopardy-like game in which only wrong answers count for points.
4. Sexual Abuse Superstar. This musical would feature a re-write of all the lyrics of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Jesus Christ Superstar to chronicle the life and times of America’s self-confessed sexual abuser. The cast would consist of porn stars and recruits from the Christian Evangelical Community whose criminal records of sexual abuse would be exonerated in exchange for their appearance in the show. Melania Trump is featured as the “Exonerator,” an angelic figure who appears after each episode to dismiss the sins of her husband using a Magic Wand with a big T on the knob.
5. Rape and Rapture. This TV game show has a legal theme in which Republican Politicians sit on “judge” panels while rape victims tell their stories before a national audience and the men on the panel decide whether their stories qualify as Rape or Rapture. Of course, the game is essentially fixed as the only purpose is to get women to share their horrific experiences for the lurid interests of the Right-wing Manosphere. The prize for each women’s appearance is a check for $500 and a tee shirt that reads, “Your Body, My Choice.”
6. The Racist Ballet. Dancers perform a compelling performance of Denial and Determination, in which a cast of all-white ballet dancers twirl and leap to a score of patriotic classical music titled “Patriot’s Theme” with depictions of lynchings, torture, and water cannon attacks on Black Protestors defining the dance until Trump himself walks out onstage dressed in an all-white Klan Robe while pumping his fists in his Trump Dance while the women gyrate around him in lustful displays of Aryan worship,.
7. The Christian Evangelical Choir. This performance features a series of choral arrangements echoing themes of claimed persecution, infringements of Religious Liberty and argumentative accusations against American Factions it considers sinful. A special appearance of the Anti-Gay Choir will sing “In Sodomites We Don’t Trust,” and the all-male A Cappella Pro-Life Troupe will sing the Street Song “Baby, Don’t Blame Me” with lyrics about why men have every right to cause unplanned pregnancies.
8. The ICE Follies. This macho Hip Hop production employs real ICE agents to conduct beatings of captured immigrants and liberal American citizens before a live audience of red-hatted ICE fans and vindictive Right-wing Christians chanting “God Hates Libtards.”
9. Grift and Graft. Trump is the host for this Financial Reality Show in which Financial graft is celebrated as a form of political and economic corruption in which public officials misuse their authority to divert public funds or resources for private benefit  It typically involves the intentional misdirection of funds meant for public projects so that private interests gain an unfair advantage, often through overpriced contracts, kickbacks, or insider deals.
10. The Snuff Show. Candidates in the Snuff Show are placed behind three curtains as their silhouettes appear to the live and TV audience. The Snuff Host reads histories of how each candidate was trafficked from a childhood to the age of 32, and the audience votes on who was most likely to be “snuffed” by their traffickers fearing exposure if their affiliation with the Snuff Candidate were publicly revealed. When the votes are totaled, the Snuff Candidate who “wins” is snuffed out by a gun with a silencer on it.
11. So Much Winning, The Musical. This Live Reading of a Trump Biography is acted out by a cast of actual Trump sycophants including Rudy Giuliani, The Pillow Guy Mike Lindell, and the entire ensemble of Trump lawyers who have lost their licenses by representing Trump in false electoral challenges and political scandals cause by the “Winner” himself.
12. Kash Add Vance to Rubio. This event features members of the Trump administration competing to demonstrate their respective incompetency and lies in all facets of their respective jobs. The main theme is defying the real purpose of their respective agencies, from Bessent to Johnson to Vought to Miller, all to carry out Trump’s incompetent and selfishly motivated wishes with touches of racism, fascism and religion thrown in for good measure. The game concludes when every contestant is finished shameless disgracing themselves and every single duty of the Administration is handed over to the tiny figure of Marco Rubio.
13. The Armageddon Headbanger’s Ball. This Heavy Metal Band and its backing orchestra dresses in Goth Christian costumes to play dire End Times symphonies while Revelation passages are sung with all sincerity. The show features clashing cymbals and colliding sets of Christian and Jewish religious symbols mixing into an “end of the world” Coda. Images of Israel’s leaders since the 1940s flash across the background set while the running totals of money given to Israel by the United States rotates from the 40s until today rotates around a spinning globe with Jesus standing on top
14. The Fascism Is Fun Frolic. After a showing of the film A Clockwork Orange, audiences are invited to tour the “local festival” style “Midway” where visitors can practice kicking people when they’re down, suppressing dissenters using a firehose or an AR-15-style rife, dive into the Stand Your Ground tent where various minorities pop up and participants decide in an instant whether they’re a threat or not and shoot them in the head, and attending giant rallies where fake assassinations take place to rile up the crowds into wholehearted hate against whatever group of people they choose to despise.
15. Trump Is A Living God Service, with dispensational commendations. This religious gathering will officially designate Donald Trump as a Living God. He will issue blessings to all who worship him fully, and additional pardons to all who he originally pardoned but who went on to commit additional crimes including child sexual abuse, burglary, battery and other crimes. All who profess their loyalty to Donald Trump as a Living God will receive a necklace featuring his famed scowling Mug Shot portrait. Cost for attending: $10,000 Cash, but financing with automatic payments is available.

If you have additional suggestions for services or performances at the Trump Center for the Performative Arts please! share them in the comments below. Maybe we can program a whole other season!